leaning

i got asked at work yesterday whether i wanted to apply for a position in turkey.  remember way back when, i checked most of the boxes on the form when the bosses asked whether we'd be interested in foreign service?  this particular one wasn't in my area of knowledge, but i found out from my boss that there is another one that is right up my alley.

that, and i still have the final appeal with the peace corps.

and here's where the bombshell falls:  i am very seriously leaning toward staying home and finding my next adventures here.

yeah, i didn't expect to hear myself say that either.  and i imagine it would seem like giving up.  but it's starting to feel right at this point.

i've thought a lot about fate (God's will, divine providence, destiny, etc.).  if it's meant to be, it will be.  and i believe that.  so if i wasn't meant to go into the peace corps, then this final appeal will result in another rejection.  but if i was... well, i have to be prepared for that possibility if i go through with the appeal.  and i don't think i am anymore.  i mean, aren't two rejections enough to give me the message?

the truth is, i've gotten used to the idea of NOT going.  i still want to make a bigger difference and i would love to experience a new culture, but as time goes on, it feels more and more like this is not the right time for it.  i am excited about some projects i want to do around the house.  i don't even mind work that much right now.  i like the idea of trying to teach math at the community college.  i don't know -- is it giving up?

anyway, i did say "no" to applying for the turkey assignment.