craziness ensues

apologies for not updating lately.  i just haven't been feeling very literary.

that's not to say that things haven't been happening.  in no particular order, i went to a formal information session, had my first physical, had my second interview, and experienced extreme disappointment and exhilaration almost at the same time.

the information session was interesting.  sounds like i better get prepared to live in a mud hut with a hole in the ground for a bathroom.  while not much of the presented information was new to me, there were five returned peace corps volunteers who answered questions as a panel.  they reiterated some common things i already knew – be prepared for terrible loneliness at some points, expect to get violently ill along the way – as well as some things i already suspected – there won't be hot showers (or showers at all), the hardest part is adjusting to life back here when you return, etc.  one thing that they solidified in my mind was the need to be completely open and transparent about medical issues ahead of time.  but most interesting, of course, was hearing about their individual circumstances and experiences.  from asking them and other investigations i've done, it seems that having electricity is slightly more likely than having running water, and having hot water is just not going to happen.  that "two words" entry i posted a while back should have said "hot shower" rather than "diet coke"!

i say that i had my "first" physical because i don't yet have the official paperwork to begin the medical screening process.  i needed a physical for my health plan, and was lucky enough to find a copy of the forms online, so i was able to get my doctor to look over the forms and order ahead of time all the tests that need to be done.  this will be a good start for when i finally do get the paperwork officially.  i still need a "second" physical where the doctor will officially fill out the paperwork, do the eye and hearing exams, etc.  i've got something scheduled for the end of the month, but that, too, may be complicated…

which brings me to my second interview.  it finally happened this past tuesday.  and, although the guy said he would put me through to the next step in the process (officially nominating me), it did not go well.  i was a little frazzled for unrelated reasons at the beginning and did not answer questions as smoothly and confidently (and correctly!) as i should have.  but more than that, he informed me that the pc would not even consider sending me to anywhere in latin america because my spanish was too long ago.  then came the next blow, that i would not be getting an engineering assignment because i'm not a civil or environmental engineer.  and finally, that he would nominate me but since the 2011 assignments are pretty much filled up, i'd have to wait until may when he had 2012 assignments available to choose.  (which means no starting the medical process either.)

so i can pretty much start envisioning myself as a math teacher in africa if i want to really go into the peace corps.  i don't want to be negative or picky, but that's not at all what i had in mind.  and i am crushed to not even be able to be considered for latin america.  a lot to adjust to, and a lot of disappointment for one day. 

a couple hours later, as i was still in mid-sulk, he called me back.  with an opportunity.  but as with so many opportunities, it was not without its catches.  he said he had an assignment in latin america for general construction (which is as close as i'm going to be able to get to engineering).  but i have to be able to pass an advanced spanish test with a certain score by early june AND the assignment starts in august.  *THIS* august!

this may not sound so bad to you, dear reader, but trust me it is overwhelming.  and not as easy a decision as it may seem.  if i don't pass the exam, my application gets withdrawn and there will be a delay in my being considered for the 2012 assignments.  furthermore, the exam can only be taken again after six months have passed.  if i don't pass it outright in early june – which is ridiculously soon! – then i won't have the chance to take it again until december, a bit late to be considered for any early 2012 assignments.  and that exam is my only chance at latin america.  so i have to be fluent to the level of two full years of college spanish in two months.  considering that the latest spanish i've had was 24 years ago (and was only equivalent to about 1.5 college years), this is a serious roadblock.  followed closely by the next serious roadblock – being ready in any way to leave by august:  emotionally, practically, financially, physically, and any other way.  not even close.  and then there's the question of whether they'll pass me medically in that quick a timeframe.  it is safe to say, this opportunity is both terrifying and overwhelming.

but is it a sign?  the kind of assignment i want in an area i want, which otherwise very possibly might not happen.  perhaps this is fate taking things out of my hands and telling me to just shut my eyes tight and jump.  what do i really lose if i go for it?  it truly is bordering on the impossible, but if i try and make it, maybe it was meant to be.  and if i try and fail, mostly all i've lost is a little time in the overall process.  but this is way too fast!

on the other hand, i haven't heard back from him in the timeframe he said i would, so maybe they found a better candidate for the assignment.  or maybe the home office in d.c. didn't like the compromise he was willing to make with me (nominating me for an assignment without one of the core requirements being met).

i guess the recruiter wasn't kidding when he said, "things could change."  and i suspect they are not done changing.